The Mayor Of Awesometown

I Rule

2008-01-23T14:20:00.000-08:00

Ha.....The Mayor of Awesometown rules and always has the first and last say!

SORTED!

Bootuzzi

2007-11-27T22:10:00.000-08:00

I actually cheered for the Canucks this game. Disturbing I know. T.L. Got a laugh from my sign, unfortunately I don't think Mr. Bootuzzi caught a glance. Oh well.

Spare Change

2007-10-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

There is no such thing as spare change. There is such a thing as loose change but no you can't have any of it. I swear to god if one of these bums ever asked me if I had any loose change I would hand over everything in my pocket strictly because I am tired of being as for spare change, of which doesn't exist.

People can spare change but you don't have spare change unless it's in the pickle jar in your den.

The Better Half

2007-10-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

I was surprised today with a window that was left open on my computer screen. After I read what I read I had to link it. Check out the group of writers for what I am sure will be an excellent and stimulating read with things much better for you then the shit you see here in Awesometown.

Enjoy everyone!

Check it out!

Oh and now that you all know that my wife is taking her clothes off for the world to see I had better not catch you down in the alley looking up when I get home from work!

It's Magic

2007-10-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuce! The new Bruce Springsteen album is Fucking Awesome! Nuff said.

The Mayor's 30th Birthday Party

2007-09-29T18:11:00.001-07:00

This is the Mayorette posting on behalf of the Mayor to thank all of the locals from Awesometown for coming out to the 'children's party' last night. The Mayor is doing well, learning and growing, hungover at his sales conference. The photos are up for your viewing pleasure and they document all of the gifts, 'blow jobs', dance offs, the 6 costume changes and the great balloon release of 2007. As the seconds tick by on the Mayor's 29th year the plans are being put in place for his next birthday party....the theme for his 31st will most definitely be 'hookers and blow.'

xoxoxo The Mayorette

Pics here.

Don'ts and Do's

2007-09-19T16:27:00.000-07:00

To all of those selfish fucking assholes I previously mentioned I have compiled a sort of do’s and don’ts list. Please feel free to add your own observations and thoughts

1 – Don’t throw shit off of your balcony onto other peoples balconies. This includes cigarettes, chocolate bars and used condoms. Or any condoms for that matter flush them down the toilet like normal people.

2 – Don’t water your fucking flowers and or plants when you can clearly see there are people directly below you enjoying the sunny day on their deck. Here is a tip, water your plants another time like say when people aren’t getting soaked below you like on an R Kelly porn tape.

3 – Don’t stand in front and block entrances to restaurants etc. I am guessing you have a reservation and you are too fucking stupid to understand that maybe it isn’t so polite to block the entrance so other people can’t get in. Again a tip, sit the fuck down in the lounge or at the bar and get out of everyone’s way you cocksuckers. I swear I have actually had to elbow like the last four people at restaurants because they wouldn’t move when I said excuse me three times.

This also goes for when you are on an escalator and you get to the top and then just stand there and look around while the people behind you are now essentially bum fucking one another because you won’t move.

4 – Don’t bash American’s because they are American. It proves your ignorance to the world and frankly is embarrassing to your family and friends. Unless of course your family and friends are fucking assholes just like you who like to bash American’s while they watch/read/listen to/ buy every American product known to man.

Also don’t bash Toronto or Montreal or any other Canadian city because you are from Vancouver. Toronto is a great town. Would I want to live there? No, but nevertheless it is still a cool place with some of the friendliest people I know living there. Much friendlier then the people in this town I have found. Also Montreal is on par with Vancouver with the best city in this country period!

I suppose you can make fun of Winnipeg though. Fuck that place sucks.

5 – Don’t try and turn left between the hours of 3PM - 6PM on a street when it says no left turns between the hours of 3PM – 6PM. Do honk your horn continuously at the motherfucker in front of you trying to turn left.

You Stink!

2007-09-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

What’s up with people who stink? I mean should I feel bad for them because they have some kind of genetic problem or are they just fucking assholes that don’t wash or shower on a regular basis? My guess is the latter.

Seriously, when I am sick and stuffed up like today I shouldn’t be able to smell you on the bus four rows down.

Whenever I travel to the States, or eastern Canada I come home and realize how the majority of the people living in Vancouver are truly selfish assholes who only care about themselves and have no comprehension of anything outside of their own fucking small dim witted brains. I am not really sure what that has to do with people stinking but I just wanted to get that off my chest I suppose.

I will write more on that later, it definitely deserves its own post

MTV SUCKS!

2007-09-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

Everyone is all over Britney about last nights VMA's performance and granted it was fucking terrible. Basically Britney looked like a coked out 15 year old girl dancing at the Ozone. That's right the HOZone.

Anyways if you look at the big picture Britney wasn't anything worse than the entire VMA's. That's right folks Britney Spears is a scapegoat for MTV.

When you look at the big picture Britney just went up there and did what was expected of any of these bullshit one dimensional celebrates, and love him or hate him even someone who has some talent like Justin Timberlake they didn't let play an entire song without cutting him off to go to commercial.

The VMA's are clearly the worst and most obnoxious awards show on the planet. Oh yeah and good work with the bleeping out every fucking second word of every song. Yeah "noose" is a very very bad word, glad you sheltered me from such a dangerous word MTV.

Seriously. I think they had like three musical acts all night and then they all just randomly showed up at other "VIP parties" and you would have 50 Cent with Fall Out Boy. Fucking Fall out boy? Are you kidding me. Who the fuck wants to go to a VIP party where Fall Out Boy is playing? That's more like a punishment the government should be inflicting on suspected terrorists.

In all honesty the American Administration could learn a thing or two from watching the MTV MVA's. Put Fall Out Boy and Kanye West in a room with some of the higher ups in al qaeda and you would have the answers to where bin Laden is hiding in about 30 seconds.

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MTV, you are quickly becoming IRRELOVENT.

Fuck you Translink & or 7 11

2007-09-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

So i go to buy my monthly bus pass today and Safeway is sold out. Fair enough i say and I drive over to 7 11. I ask for a 2 zone bus pass and I hand over my credit card.....and they wouldn't fucking take it! I show them my id and they say it's a store policy and that I can only pay cash or debit. They show me where the bank machine in the store is and point me that direction.

Anyways, I tell them that I usually buy my pass at the 7 11 downtown and they take my credit card and they just shrug.

So what the fuck is up? Richmond 7 11's won't take credit cards for transit passes, but I can buy all the 450 packs of cigarettes and 5 cents worth of candy if I want? That's bullshit! Translink shouldn't let them sell them then. I guess they don't want my money.

To make things worse last week when I was on the bus these transit cops came on and they were checking tickets and transfers. There were like five fucking people that didn't have any proof of payment and what did they do? FUCKING NOTHING, they didn't give them tickets and they didn't even kick them off the bus. Plus one of the riders just chewed the TP's out for like 15 fucking minutes while we waited and then when we finally started moving he mumbled and cursed under his breath for another half an hour.

Nice, looks like I should start not paying.

Flames Jersey

2007-09-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

I like them less the Alberta and Canadian flags. If they were hellbent on having the Alberta coat of arms they should have just put the crest and not the entire flag. The blue doesn't really go.

Alright fire away Canucks fans.

Let's Go Gogol

2007-09-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

If you were in Vancouver on Sept 2 and you weren't at the Commodore Ballroom you missed arguably the best show Vancouver has seen in years. Gogol Bordello!

I would like to thank the sexy green eyed girl who was crushed against me for a good 25 minutes who took it upon herself to tickle my asshole and surround area with her fingers. It was nice really!

Anyways here is a link of some of Richelle's awesome snaps of the evening.

Canucks Jersey's the day after

2007-08-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

Ummmm so we have all slept on the new Canucks jersey and to be honest I thought I would wake up and like them a little bit more, that is until I got up and didn't.

Then I saw this picture on the left here and I just started laughing.

To be completely honest I was hoping the Canucks would drop the whale. I didn't want the old logo in the centre but I do like it on the shoulders. I thought pretty much this uniform with a new logo and NO VANCOUVER across the top would have been pretty cool.

No matter what anyone says the VANCOUVER across the top is an attempt to cash in on the Olympics. The Canucks owners figure that of course Canucks fans will dish out bucks for the new merchandise, so why not capitalize on some people who will come here for the Olympics and clearly won't be buying any Olympic products with that stupid fucking Inuckshuk on it.

Hey they want people to know they were in Vancouver so lets splash VANCOUVER across the front of the jersey and make it look ridiculous, people from Norway will love it I am sure.

Some fucking dickhead (Earl Robert) wrote into 24 hours and said that he is glad VANCOUVER is across the front because "I can't keep track of how often I'm asked what team i was supporting while wearing my Canucks jersey in cities around the world."

Really you fucking dick head? Is that a major problem for you in life? Explaining why you are wearing a fucking Jersey with a whale on it must be tough eh? This fucking asshole should be happy that people even talk to him when he is on vacation.

You how Canadians love to bash Americans for being bad tourists? Well imagine this fucking guy in Spain wearing a fucking Canucks Jersey in the middle of summer and some hot girl in the smallest bathing suit you've ever seen walks up to him and he blows her off because because she is the 15th person in two days to ask him what his jersey is all about.

Hey fuckface they don't really care about your jersey, they're just wondering what kind of fucking idiot wears a Hockey jersey to the beach in Spain. And who the fuck says cities around the world anyways? As opposed to what cites around the fucking moon?

I also really hate the it's not the Jersey it's the team that's under it that that counts spin the organization and the media is taking. BULLSHIT! If that was true why even have a jersey? Why not just have a Blue shirt for home and a White shirt for away? "Oh once they have a ten game winning streak and everyone will love it." Shut up Perry Solkowski. If they got rid of the VANCOUVER people would love it.

It looks very amateur, it looks very budget and the bottom line not too many people are happy.

Sit the fuck down

2007-08-28T11:31:00.000-07:00

Here is the thing, lately I have been taking the bus to and from work and when I started this I was very excited as I thought I would have many exciting and hilarious stories to share with the people of Awesometown....Unfortunately I don't.

There is really nothing going on on the bus. I remember when I was a teenager there was always super crazy shit going on on the bus. Nowadays there is nothing.

There is one exception however. Sometimes I will offer up my seat to an older women and they would flat out refuse to sit down. What the fuck is up with that? Now I look like a dick because I was fully expecting this person to sit and now I'm standing there saying "No really it's OK, have a seat" while they are standing there saying "No really, it's OK, you sit."

Like look I know you are lonely and old and stuff, but I don't want to have a fucking conversation with you, I just want to offer you my seat lady! Clearly I am not 60 years old, so just take it. Obviously you don't want to stand so why are you being such an asshole about the whole thing?

I have seen this happen to other people on the bus too. Some younger person will go through it and it will all be the same, then the guy is standing there looking like a dick with his thumb up his ass. See what happens when you try to be a nice guy!

To deal with this I have now just flat out refused to offer my seat to anyone at any time under any circumstance. Thanks for ruining it for everyone you fucking asshole Dino's who won't sit down.

The Tim Horton's dilemma

2007-08-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

I totally understand that it is tough to figure out what you want when you go to Tim Horton's on a daily basis, but here is a fucking tip for you. When you are standing in the five minite 25 people line up maybe you should try and figure it out before you actually get to the fucking counter.

Tim Horton's Cashier - "Hi can I help the next person in line?"

Asshole in line #1 - " Yeah that's me, oh umm can I get ummm oh wait one second I'll have a Triple Triple and ahhhhh um oh wait ummm David, umm ohh umm should I have....ummm oh ok wait, I think I want, ummmm oh doesn't James drink Decaf? Ohhh ummmm."

Asshole in line #2 - "Oh ummm yeah I think umm yeah ahhh maybe yeah, ummm ohh wait I think maybe he likes tea."

Asshole in line #1 - "yeah ahhh tea yeah, what kinds of tea do you have?"

This fucking asshole hasn't even got to the part about the office donuts yet.

HEY FUCKFACE IT'S 8:15AM HOW ABOUT HURRYING THE FUCK UP.

Anyways you get the picture. I swear if ever here another fucking asshole have a conversation remotely similar to this after they have been standing in line for five fucking minutes I will literally grab two full coffee containers, jump on their back like a monkey and proceed to play Monkey cymbals on their fucking head.

Not only will everyone in the line up behind me feel a wonderous feeling of satisfaction when the dude is bleeding and crying , but as an added bonus I am sure the event would make at least local news and then everyone in the community would feel an all round feeling of good all over.

Mayor of Awesometown Update

2007-08-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

Update time. My wife just asked me.

"Did you fart? It smells like garbage!"

And now back to your regularly scheduled lives.

Get Ready for Sexiest at it's finest!

2007-07-22T11:34:00.001-07:00

How could you not want to see more of this hot action? More pics here Richelle's awesome snaps

Jennifer Love Fat?

2007-07-18T10:32:00.001-07:00

So I am a little choked about my two favourite websites wwtdd and the superficial after last week they called Super hot fox Jennifer Love Hewitt fat. Granted she looks a bit off in this picture but calling Jennifer Love Hewitt fat is like calling John Goodman skinny, it just doesn't add up.

I would love to see what the fucking girlfriends of these ass munches look like, I mean come on, they can't seriously sit there and tell me with a straight face that they wouldn't want JLH sitting there at the end of their knob for 20 minutes.

I mean i would way rather be in bed with Jennifer than that fucking bag of bones Posh spice. Fucking her would be like fucking Skeletor from He-Man only not as much fun I am sure because Posh wouldn't be saying things like "Curse you He-Man" and "Kneel before your master! Fool!" while you were giving it to her in the ass!

Speaking of Posh, I watched that special she had on the other night and it was so fucking boring I wanted to hang myself.

One year baby!

2007-07-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

So today is the big day. One year ago I sat down and wrote about my love for X-tina. I still love her and honestly I can't wait to see her prego pics, they are gonna be HOT!

Anyways, I hope everyone has enjoyed the first year of Awesometown. I would love to know what some of your favourite posts have been so please comment away and let me know your thoughts.
Peace out
The Mayor of Awesometown

Movie Madness

2007-07-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

So I am at the movies the other night and during the show the fire alarm went off. Basically what happens is the movie stops and this weird strobe type light goes on with an unusual sounding alarm. Kinda like a boop boop type thing. What else happens is that is everyone in the theatre turns into a fucking asshole.

One women behind me was insistent that someone intentionally pulled the fire alarm at that particular part in the movie strictly to ruin our movie experience. Never mind that there are fucking 16 other movies going on at the same time...."NO it was for us. It was so intentional!" Yeah whatever you selfish fucking pig, have some more fucking popcorn you hog.

Anyways she wasn't even the worst. The worst was this other women who actually said "This building better be burning down, it better be on FIRE!" TWICE! She said that dead serious twice. What a fucking asshole, are you kidding me?

Yeah lady it would be phenomenal if the building was on fire, and it would be even more super fun if some little kid up in the apartment that is ATTACHED TO THE THEATRE was on fire and burning to death. I suppose that would be fair for the five minute disruption of your difficult life.

Yeah i would say that would be pretty even Steven, a five minute delay in Transformers is definitely equal to children burning to death.

This is fucking proof positive that there is no GOD like some people believe in god because you can't sit there and tell me that "God" would put that idiot fucking piece of shit selfish bitch on this planet.

Oh and enjoy the pic of Megan Fox from Transformers.

The Awesomest of all of Awesometown's Awesome upcoming house party!!

2007-07-08T18:50:00.000-07:00

Event Info Name: R & R's Awesometown House warming!
Tagline: Show me your underwear!
Host: The Mayor & Mayorette of Awesometown
Type: Party - House Party
Time and Place Start Time: Friday, July 20, 2007 at 7:30pm
End Time: Saturday, July 21, 2007 at 2:00am
Location: Awesometown
City/Town: Vancouver, BC

Get ready for the best housewarming party anyone will see EVER!

This is a show me your underwear party. Entry will be granted only with your underwear over top of your pants or pants free.

I am expecting the likes of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lonhan so it will be a wonderous event. They haven't RSVP'd yet but they will. EDW and NICK we expect you to be in attendance as you are the guests of honour! SURPRISE! Plus I have always wanted to see both of your underwear. Actually I think I have seen NICK's that time in Philadelphia...

Peace out

Asshole Contractors

2007-07-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

This weekend this dude contractor was suppose to come and complete our apartment at 9:00am on Sat to finish the sanding and painting of the utility closet. Richelle arranged this time letting him know that we were both out of town and that the concierge was to let him in. If there were any problems he was to call us.

We arrived home Monday at 2:00am, to find that no work had been done and we still had a utility closet that needed to be sanded and painted and why this is such a big deal is because on Tuesday at 8:00AM the closet organizer people were scheduled to come and install closet shelving in that very closet.

The dude called yesterday morning and came to complete the work.

The reason he gave me for not showing up was that he had the "26 oz flu" on Sat. That is all very well and good but I know I wouldn't be able to call up my work and try that one on them and think things would be OK.

I am blown away by this lack of professionalism. Just imagine me calling up one of the advertisers who are having a year end sale and telling them "oh sorry, I know you were having a year end sale and I told you your ad proof would be ready a week ago, but I had the 26 oz flu...sorry."

He was to have completed this job WELL over a week ago but he came in and did one part and told Richelle that he would be back in the next two or three days to complete the work and then we never heard from him again.

The dude not showing up when he knew exactly how important it was to complete the job by a certain time was just ridiculous. He is a fuckstick!

Where have you been?

2007-06-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

So i know I have been a bad Mayor of late. I definitely haven't been minding Awesometown lately and I need to get back to it.

As I write this Mrs. Awesometown is putting up photos around our new apartment, and making bad jokes (Do I have a hammer in my pants or am I just happy to see you?). The floor is in, we have a house. I am hoping that this will be the juice that gets Awesometown back on track. I am comfortable for the first time in weeks, the Mayor is happy with his Awesometown and he is ready to spread the good word to his loyal citizens.

Since I have been gone I have experienced some funny, unusual and frankly bizarre things. I have seen another four people who were reading books while walking the sidewalks since I last wrote. I have also noticed there are a lot of domestic disputes on the streets. I was surprised to find that it isn't only Richelle and i who are yelling at each other on the street corners....imagine that!

I am sure you are all wondering if I have had any fall outs with any of the new neighbours or thrown any eggs at the bums in the alley below. I am sorry to disappoint but sadly no eggs have been launched at this point.

However I do take issue with my strange neighbours who have the fucking loudest water fountain thingy in the world on their patio, I could really care less, but the thought does run through my head "how could they possibly think that fountain isn't loud?" It's like the fucking Bellagio over there. Plus they basically slammed the door on Richelle when she returned their dog after he jumped over to our patio.

Also my neighbour likes to listen....yes listen to baseball games on the radio. Hey genius, it's 2007 not 1942 we have TVs now, they even have something called High Definition and snazzy flat screens and everything. Ball and shiny bats on a new electronic device. Imagine!

And don't give me that bull shit about it being charming that you are listening to the game on the radio, it's not charming, it's bull shit, yes that's right BULL SHIT!

Ahhh I am sure they are great people. House warming coming up!!!! PUMP IT UP!

Bullshit Rain

2007-06-18T13:47:00.001-07:00

What the fuck is up with this bullshit weather in Vancouver? I am not even trying to be funny, it's just fucking awful. I can't remember the last time I saw the sun.

I am wearing a short sleeve shirt today and I swear icicles are forming on my elbows. This is ridiculous.

Everyone is walking around saying don't worry June is always bad. But fuck it's been bad since Sept.

I don't know what else to say right now. I am justtoo fucking cold and pissed off.

Oh Paris you lucky girl you.

2007-06-07T14:57:00.001-07:00

Everyone including myself was shocked when Paris Hilton walked after only 3 days in jail this morning.

When I heard it was health related I was sure they let her out because they were worried about the other prisoners catching crabs, but as the day went on and after some careful thought it hit me.

It isn't shocking that she was let of jail early.......it is shocking that she went to jail at all! I mean she's rich, and rich people don't go to jail in the States....right?

Sure I mean if I were down there and I stole a pack of gum I would be doing 2 - 5 years but say a random celebrity stole a car or bought/sold some drugs. I think they would be hard pressed to even see a court room.

A lot of people will say this is a race issue and that may or may not be true, I am not an authority on that subject, but what I can tell you is this IS a class issue. If some woman named Ronda Jones from Camden New Jersey was charged with DUI and reckless driving, you can bet your ass she would be serving the full amount of jail time in some shit hole not even a tenth as nice as the cell Paris had.

One day something will happen to these rich fucking assholes, like their daughter will be raped by some fucking asshole Harvard grad student whose dad owns some fucking pharmaceutical company and he will walk away, then maybe the justice system in the states will wise up, but for now all I know is that if I were a prisoner in the USA tonight I would riot, I think under the circumstances that would would be more than understandable.

Bridge Tale

2007-05-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

Richelle and I were walking over the Burrard St. Bridge yesterday afternoon just chatting and enjoying our walk. Usually there are a ton of bicyclists trying their best to aggravate the cars and pedestrians as they ride on by, but believe it or not that is not what I am writing about today. Here is what went down.

Richelle and I are walking and we go to pass this woman in front of us. Richelle passes and then I do and then I notice something. The woman was head down and reading a book! Walking and reading, a fucking hard bound novel. Just as I begin to wrap my head around how this woman is actually walking down the street and reading, not a newspaper, not a magazine, but a book she says under her breath...

"You don't need to talk so Fucking loud!"

Seriously, I couldn't believe it. Still trying to comprehend how the nut case who is reading a book is telling my wife and I who are on a public bridge in the middle of rush hour with buses, trucks, horns etc. whizzing by that we are talking to loud for her liking, I turned to her and said "Excuse me?"

She then pointed to her iPod and told me that she wasn't talking to me and that she was on a call. Yeah right a call to who? Your fucking psychiatrist or Merlin the fucking magician? Fucking crack pot!

Do you really believe that those head phones in your ears are connected to a magic iPod phone? Or are you trying to avoid a confrontation by trying to trick me with your super quick wit? Ohhhh pretty tricky lady. You're on your phone oh OK then, sorry I must have been mistaken.

Are people really that fucking sensitive these days that talking - not yelling (not even in ear shot either) is unacceptable? Is reading novels while walking in traffic a new trend? Do I need to go and buy a mini DVD player and walk around with that everywhere I go? Hey who knows maybe I can walkout into the street while I am watching Bond DVD's and get hit by a car. Then I can get up and start yelling at the driver for running into me.

If you want some quiet while you read here is a bright idea. GO TO A FUCKING LIBRARY YOU STUPID CUNT! Even the owl in the corner has figured that out.

She is lucky I didn't throw her book over the bridge.

Fuck the 80's

2007-05-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the girls these days are thinking but they are sadly mistaken if they think that acid washed jeans and big bangle earrings make them look hot. I swear if I see another 19 year old walking downtown with acid washed shorts and bangs I think I might have to vomit on her.

I mean every guy my age got screwed royally in the 80's. All of the hot girls wore fucking baggy cloths with fluorescent colours and teased their hair. Yeah real fucking hot, lets bring that look back! It was great seeing Brandi and Christine in their giant Club Monaco sweatshirts. Us 29 year olds really got the short end of the sexy high school girls stick.

And seriously what's up with the white jeans comeback? Here is a tip for the ladies, no guy thinks white jeans look hot! All it reminds us of is how Shannon Tyler (or insert your random girl name here _________ ) got her period in seventh grade math class and had to run out of the room crying. Do you want to have a bunch of people pointing and laughing at you? I think not, so lets stay off the white jeans bandwagon shall we?

Politicians = Assholes

2007-05-14T10:18:00.000-07:00

Here is the thing about Canada or more specifically British Columbia, the Fucking asshole politicians are fucking it up for everyone from small business owners to regular citizens to the bums on the street. You know that Tenacious D song City Hall? Well I am 100% positive that it is written about BC.

Seriously lets look at the last few days in BC.

One - Property tax in Vancouver goes up 8%

Two - The MLA's want to give themselves a 29% raise (and I am sure they will too)

Three - The city of Richmond even though there is no bylaw in place is meeting tonight to discuss whether or not to put up signs that encourage you not to smoke in front of city buildings.....price tag on this $24,000.

Four - Starting June 25 Lower mainland Buses will now be "Fair paid" zones so bus drivers feel more protected. Basically you won't have to buy a ticket. Obviously they will lose money and either cut back services or raise property taxes again.

What a bunch of Cock Faces. I mean yeah it's great the Bus driver will feel safe because he doesn't have to check the fucking crack heads ticket anymore, but how safe am I gonna be when Heroin Joe and Crystal Meth Sally are sitting next to me arguing about whether or not they should buy the six pack of lucky lager or a case? Who the fuck is gonna protect me? Spiderman?

And as far as I am concerned the City of Richmond councilors should give their collective fucking heads a shake. $24,000 for signs that don't even enforce a law? Makes me want to take up smoking and stand out front of City Hall blowing smoke in their faces as they walk by.

And anyone that thinks the MLA's deserve a 29% pay raise is a fucking asshole too. 29%? I don't care that the hours worked don't equal blah fucking blah. The MLA's are in the public sector, if they want more money then fuck off and quit and go back to being a lawyer you cocks. Why would anyone want to give these clowns a penny more?

Let's face it, these politicians have us hugging trees in the forest with our pants around our ankles as they are fucking us up the ass with their cock faces.

Back on the Britney Bandwagon

2007-04-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

Bottom line is I want whatever pills or drugs Britney has been taking so I can lose 10 pounds in three days like she has.

In 2 months she will be super hot Britney again and I can't wait. Couple the recent weight lose with her extra crazy behavior lately and you have yourself a top ten super hot sex session I am sure.

I guess you would just have to leave before she tried to bite your head off like a black widow spider or some crazy Britney shit like that. I am sure she read that biting off mates heads is the cool thing to do nowadays.

Either way good on you Brit, you are climbing your way back up every mans spank bank charts!

One Word - FLOOD

2007-04-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

So I move into my new apartment and what happens? A fucking pipe in the utility room wall bursts and floods my fucking place. NICE. I hadn't even been here 24 hours. Oh well, here is hoping that they fix it quickly and they replace my floors soon.

Link to the pics here - Richelle's awesome snaps

Facebook Fascination

2007-04-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

So have you heard about Facebook? Basically it's kind of like a Myspace or a Classmates.com type thing. Normally I would make fun and call anyone that was on it a Fucking idiot ( believe me I have checked and there are like 40,000 people I hate on there, most of which are losers that wanted, but never had the chance to bang my wife whist in High School) but I have to tell you something.....it's fucking sickeningly AWESOME.

My wife wanted to check it out but of course she is too cool to sign up herself so what does she do? She signs me up with my email address as Kelly Clarkson. Strangely enough people that I know started to add me based on my email address so I changed the name to my own.

Anyways, the fucking site is totally addictive I was on it for about two hours today looking for people I grew up with or went to high school with.

I know, I know I have been sucked into some weird and strange place where every fucked up and emotionally unstable girlfriend you ever dated wants to be your bestest Face Book friend and for some reason you let them be.

I mean what the fuck am I suppose to say to an ex on there? "Oh hey so and so, you were a lot of fun in the sack too bad your personality sucked?" Or "Man you're not looking so great, I am so fucking glad we broke up" or "Hey so and so, when we dated I thought you gave the best blow jobs ever, boy was I wrong." Seriously.

It's fun looking at the people who used to be smoking hot and now aren't and vice versa. Of course the Mayor is better looking then ever. I think it's my new longish type hair. In all seriousness it is cool to see your friends that you have in real life on there, it's also fun to shout out to some people you haven't seen in a while. So Facebook is cool in my book.

What's up Ronald?

2007-04-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

Been to McDonald's lately? What the fuck is up with the fries? Clearly they have stopped salting them and that is ridiculous.

Obviously I want something that is really really bad for me if I am at McDonald's so just give me my salty fucking fries!

Look to the left, it's Ronald McDonald and he is running away from Salt. Or maybe he is running towards one of the McDonald's Toasted Deli Sandwiches.........Yeah, no thanks Ronald, Gross. I still haven't had one of those things. I can't imagine that they are selling very well.

Anyways I was at McDonald's today and I was served by the manager. Now this wasn't a kid manager it was a grown man. The fucking guy seriously tried to give me cold fries. What an ass! Did he figure I would accept that? Do people like to eat cold fries? Because I don't. There is nothing worse then cold McDonald's fries. He might as well have given me a rotten salad or a toasted deli sandwich. Assmunch!

Half a million? Whatever!

2007-04-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

Do you know what's fucked? How people treat their own property. When Richelle and I were looking at apartments downtown we saw some pretty disastrous places. I get that some of them were tenanted but seriously some weren't, and man they looked like shit.

Dents and smudges all over the walls, garbage everywhere, weird smells, who are these people? They want HOW MUCH for this place?

One place had smashed computer parts all over the floor and a stack of Landry so high that it reached my chin. Here's an idea, how about clean up your mess before you try and sell your place! Fucking idiots.

Anyways this got me to thinking, if there are people who are so uninterested in taking care of their own little 800 sq ft space then why in the hell would these people give two shits about something like the environment?

Think about it, this is a big big problem. Basically it will be up to the government to impose super strict laws about the environment if we want anything to get better.

First they will have to hit the major polluters and then put some regulations in place for businesses and then bylaws for the people.

I guess we'll see what happens, but I think we could be in trouble.

It's a Deal!

2007-03-29T23:52:00.000-07:00

Well it's official, the Mayor and Mayorette are on the move. Look out Downtown cause here we come.

The past few weeks (minus the trip) have been really really stressful in regards to finding a new apartment. We made offers on three separate buildings and had to pull the plug on all of them due to various problems.

It really sucks because you invest so much time, energy and effort into each place only to have things fall through. So it is frustrating.

Anyways, we are super pumped with our new place and are looking forward to living downtown. This time we are on the bottom of the building instead of the top so I guess someone will have the opportunity to return the favour with some eggs on my deck! Plus the noise from the Fire hall right next door should be fun for some future Mayor of Awesometown posts I am sure.

So the Party is at our place mid May.

Peace out,

The Mayor

PS - EDW and Nick, we got a room for you to crash in now, so you are by all means obligated to come and visit the Great White North!

The Mayor is Back In Town and Vacation Trinkets

2007-03-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

I know I know I didn't even say goodbye when I left for Fiji and New Zealand but I am back now so quit your crying minions.

As you can see above I have a new friend which I picked up in Queenstown. I think I will call him Hippo the creature from Kiwitown. I just had to pick him up for myself since he is the most hilarious looking thing I have ever seen in a tourist type shop.

Could you imagine if someone went all the way to New Zealand and brought something like this for you to put in your house? And whats up with people buying shit for other people when they go away anyways? Seriously, unless you are buying me something I can use like a Coffee mug or a magnet you shouldn't even bother.

I mean what the fuck would someone do with Hippo here? What is running through peoples heads when they are away? "Yeah Bruce would really love this fucking Orange and Yellow ceramic whatever it is that costs three dollars for his place."

Mayor of Awesometown - "Here you go Bruce I got this for you from New Zealand."

Bruce - "Wow thanks......"

Mayor of Awesometown - "Yeah it's really nice isn't it, I think you should put it next to your nice picture frames and plants that you have in your tidy and nicely decorated apartment."

Bruce - "Yeah man, I'll get right on that."

It's kind of like when people give other people fucking figurines and shit for Christmas.

"Here.....have a Precious moments figurine. I mean I know it doesn't go with anything in your house and you don't collect them and this is one of a series of 9000 and it's just another piece of junk for you to dust, but here you go anyways, Merry F'n Christmas."

I am starting to think that people only get things like vacation trinkets for the people that they truly hate. Come to think of it this women at my work who I barely speak to went to Cuba and brought me back one of the worst and cheapest key chains I have ever seen in my life. I swear it must of cost her like 2 cents.

Yeah it's definitely for people they hate!

Trip stories will be on the way shortly. I had a great time and I am glad to be back. Check out Richelle's Awesome Snaps for the pics if you wish.

Who's in the House? JC!

2007-02-27T22:29:00.000-08:00

I have been kicking it with Christ this evening. I just finished watching the documentary Jesus Camp and let me tell you that I learned a few things, some new life lessons if you will.

For example, you should never make heroes out of warlocks, i.e. Harry Potter. I also learned that if Harry Potter was alive in the times of the old testament he would be put to death. I wish I could let the women who was saying this in on a little secret. You see there is one small problem.....Harry Potter isn't real! (Here is a particularly disturbing site about the Harry Potter thing, Harry Potter is Evil.)

I wish I could find a picture online of Jesus fighting Harry Potter so I could post it here for everyone to see. I think that would look pretty cool.

In all seriousness these right wing evangelicals are pretty scary, as any extreme right or left wing anything (political group, religious organization) is. It is pretty disturbing the shit they were teaching these kids (some as young as five) and seeing them lap it up and take it all in like a sponge to water as any child would do. Truly, I feel bad for the kids.

What really makes things bad in this case is how the people running the camp are using religion as a shelter to say what they and they only are saying is the "Truth" when in reality there are many reasonable people who actually believe in the true virtues and principles of Christianity and who are kind and open minded people who now have to be lumped in with these fucking nuts.

You know the type, you'll burn in hell if you smoke or drink kind of people, and then there are the normal people who are just looking for a sense of community and a do the right thing kind of attitude.

One of the things that has always really bothered me about these religious fanatics is their fucking egos! They are always saying stupid shit like bless this bowling ball to make it go straight or guide me lord to that new big promotion. Or in the case of the movie praying that the "Devil" doesn't interfere with the microphones.

Here is an idea, how about pray to end fucking homelessness or for people not to be starving you fucking assholes. Fucking bowling ball, Bullshit!

If you are a religious person then good for you, everyone is entitled to their own personal beliefs but when you start fucking around with children's minds you are not playing fair, and it is sickening.

Mr. Puskins meets Mr. Pusskins

2007-02-25T11:03:00.000-08:00

This makes me sick.

2007-02-22T10:53:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is going on here? Seriously, I feel ill when I see this picture. How can someone that used to be this hot, turn into something like this?

Yeah yeah airbrushing and blah blah, but seriously, she looks like a totally different person. I guess it's possible that this sick freak on the left here isn't in fact Britney and that Britney was actually murdered by some sick and deranged fan who has had one of those Mission impossible masks made up and now she "says" shes Britney.

I mean every guy reading this has to feel the same way, we have all pulled one off to "Hot" Britney and now we just cringe thinking about it. It's like that girl you are embarrassed you dated in High School, you just think back and want to forget the whole fucking mess.

Remember when that Japanese businessman offered a million bucks to bang her? Imagine if he actually did the deed and he saw these pics now? He would probably hang himself.

I guess the reality is that Britney was always pretty fucked up, but I am just shocked at the level to which she has fallen off. She is suppose to be a sex symbol not a fucking girl who smokes cigarettes at the playground and looks like shes planning a bank heist.

I miss the old days, come back Britney! Teenage boys need you to dance around in sexy outfits again so they can spank it.

This Sucks, but we'll make it work.

2007-02-19T11:59:00.000-08:00

Ever since I switched to the Beta version of Blogger I can't post videos. Either I am an idiot or the new Blogger sucks ass. Maybe it's a little bit of both. Either way i wanted the citizens of Awesometown to check out Sloths and I'm into Clippy. Don't watch Clippy at work. Nothing too bad, just some language that your boss might not like.

Oh and check out this preview from the movie who killed the electric car?...it seems kind of interesting.

PS - Britney Spears is a fucking Lunatic.....more on that later.

Fuck Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

I have no interest in Valentine's Day. You know why? Cause I don't need anyone telling me that I should be nice to my wife today! I will be nice to my wife when I want to be nice to her (Which of Course is always, because I am such a nice guy.)

Everyone at work is asking me what I am doing for Valentine's Day for Richelle. I tell them I am making Tuna Melts for her and then they go.....

"Ohhhh she just says she doesn't care about Valentine's day, women say things like that all the time."

Oh yeah? Women say things like that all the time? Really? Women really say things that they don't mean? Cause that is pretty fucking stupid if they do. I like to say what I mean and mean what I say, and I am pretty sure I know my own wife and she is pretty much the same way.

Think about it, Have you ever asked a child what they want for Christmas or for their Birthday and had them say "oh I don't want anything." No, you haven't because kids are smart see, they figure if you are asking them what they want, then they had better tell you or they might end up getting sweet fuck all. See how that works?

The other statement going today is...

"Ohhhhhh, somebodies going to be in trouble when they get home."

Oh yeah who is that? Saint fucking Valentine? Cause I sure as fuck won't be in trouble! You know why? Cause my Tuna Melts are fucking Awesome, and when I make them Richelle will be really pumped up about it.

All I need to do is put her ketchup in the shape of a heart and I am good to go.

Why would either of us want to go to a restaurant to sit around with a bunch of single jackasses who are trying to impress their girlfriends because they took them out on a date when everyone told them that they should take them out? Pretty fucking original guys.

"Yeah nice honey , we could have eaten here yesterday for 1/2 the price and it wouldn't be a set menu with bull shit fig salad as a course and the service would have been much better but what the fuck, it's Valentine's Day.....awww your so sweet!" Bull shit. Valentine's day is for toddlers. I'm sticking with the tuna melts.

Walking the Dog

2007-02-13T17:41:00.000-08:00

Here is a lovely Feb in Vancouver outfit. I love when strippers go for a stroll in Gastown and take their dog 'Gucci' with them.

I don't have a problem with strippers or anything but I just hate that she named her dog 'Gucci'. It's kinda pretentious and stupid. Whatever happened to the 'girl next door' type of strippers that I use to date in high school anyways?

Does anybody even like Stevie Wonder?

2007-02-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

I know it’s not cool and everything to be down on other people’s music and all but seriously what is up with Stevie Wonder?

I mean fuck, the guy hasn’t done anything in probably 30 years except show up to awards shows and make speeches which I might add include a singing interlude that nobody except Jamie Foxx cares about.

“I would like to ahhhhhh……. bring up to the stage……..a very talented individual………..whose grace and beauty are beyond exceptional……..Singing Yeah….Isn’t she lovely……..Ha ha ha.”

Come on Stevie! That got old before I was born. I swear I have seen him make this speech or a version of it like 900 times.

And why is it the person Stevie brings up always seems to be Beyonce or Alicia Keys?

Then fucking Jamie Foxx gets on the stage and starts going “Yeahhhhh, Ohhhhh.” Pretty fucking great, man those guys are super talented.

And what’s up with Mary J Blige? Does she even tour? How many records does she put out? Because she has been at every single awards show for the past five years and she always wins something. Are these awards for one album or two or what? Who listens to her? I don’t know anyone that has a Mary J. Blige CD. I couldn’t even name you one of her songs.

All I do know that she and Bono did a bang up job of ruining ‘One.’ Nice!

Obnoxious Canadians

2007-02-05T17:33:00.000-08:00

You know what irritates me? People that say bad shit about people from other countries like they know what the fuck they are talking about. Some Canadians love to do this when discussing Americans.

In my experience it seems that some Canadians feel superior to Americans based on the fact that Americans are "Fat, Stupid, Obnoxious and Lazy," when in fact the majority of Americans that I know are very smart, funny, and the most generous and friendly people you could ever meet.

Some people seem to confuse the American administration and or foreign policy with the American people and they figure "well Bush is an idiot, so all Americans are idiots."

I guess what tipped off this rant is this fucking obnoxious 50ish prick on the airplane on the way back from San Francisco. The thing was the flight attendant was super nice and really sweet about everything so try to imagine that when you are reading this.

Here is how it went down:

The flight attendant taps this guy on the shoulder and says "Excuse me....but I have kind of a dumb questions to ask but I was wondering if you could answer it for me."

Obnoxious Prick - "Sure"

Flight Attendant - "Well my sister gave me this Canadian money and I have never seen it before, all of the Canadian money I have seen looks different then this, is it real or did you change it or...?" (The bills were a $10 and a $5 from when I was a kid, like when we still had the $2 bill)

Obnoxious Prick - "Ohhhhh man.....ha ha ha, is it real, what you have never been to Canada before.....ahhh ha ha ha....honey the flight attendant just asked me if this money was real......ha ha ha, of course it's real."

Flight Attendant - "Oh OK, I just have never seen this before, I thought you have holograms and different colours on your money, I just wanted to check to make sure, so I can still use this then with no problems?"

Obnoxious Prick - "Ahhhhh ha ha ha, can you still use it? Ha ha ha, well if you don't want it I will take it."

Flight Attendant - "Oh OK, i just wanted to check, in some countries you can't use old currency...like in Mexico."

At this point I interrupted the conversation and told her that the bills were really old and yes she could use it and i also like her know that those bills are in fact highly counterfeited and that she may get some funny looks about the bills because they are so old but it shouldn't be a problem.

She was really happy and I could tell that that is pretty much what she was driving at the whole time, the thing was she was really sweet to the fuckface even though he was such a prick to her and I can guarantee you that he is one of those guys that is going to go back to North Vancouver and tell all of his obnoxious friends that story and then they will all concur how stupid and ignorant "all" Americans are, when in reality he is the fucking stupid ignorant one.

What's up Matt?

2007-02-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

I saw Matt Mays + El Torpedo late last year opening for Marah in New York and Philadelphia and I was blown away. I remember thinking this band is great, I can't believe I had only briefly heard about them through some friends in the music industry. Then Matt was on Conan and I thought cool this guy may be going somewhere, it's great to see Rock music on TV and have people actually enjoying it.

So needless to say I was really excited that Matt was coming to Vancouver. I saw one of the guys at the club before Matt went on the conversation went down like this,

Mayor of Awesometown - " Have you seen Matt Mays before"

Club guy - "Yeah, he's great...but this isn't El Torpedo though"

Mayor of Awesometown - "Oh is this that Angels album?"

Club guy - "Yeah a lot of people are going to be standing around looking at each other for a good 1/2 hour"

That pretty much summed it up. Seriously I have never been so disappointed at a live show ever! The show started off OK and I wanted to give it a shot but the the show just fell apart the longer it went on.

I get that Matt Mays wants to do something new and everything, but last night it just came off like self indulgent Bull Shit. Also the lighting was not good. Again, I get what Matt was trying to do but there were just way too many times when the strobe lights went off for too long and then it would be really really dark followed by blinding lights, if you looked around at the crowd they were all looking off to the side because there eyes were literally sore from all of the changes.

The crowd was also pretty rowdy and throwing beer bottles on stage and some guys down at the front were trying to start fights with girls...Nice, it's always fun to physically attack girls isn't it? What a fucking ass.

In the middle of the show some dude (Not sure if he was with the band or with the club) came and told me that I can't take photos. Seems strange since the doormen let me in with my camera and it's a Nikon D70 so it's fairly big it's not like I could try and hide it if I wanted to, so clearly everyone could see that I had it, which leads me to believe that it was someone on the bands end that told me to stop shooting. They also made a point of coming and telling me not to bring my camera to anymore of "our" shows as I was leaving the club. I wanted to punch the guy in the face. He looked like some fucking burned out snowboarder that had to much blow, and he was about 5'2".

If this was something from the bands end they really have to chill out, any press is good press and yes I do work for a newspaper and no I didn't get a sticker for my coat, but I shouldn't have to.

Plus if your fans want to snap some shots let them, i mean they really dig your band and bought a t shirt and everything, so it's not really cool to tell them to put their camera's away.

Anyways, I hope to see Matt Mays with El Torpedo soon, but man I was really really disappointed with everything from last nights show.

Give it up....for the Ice Girls!

2007-01-30T17:52:00.000-08:00

So i was killing time the other day when I stumbled upon the Tampa Bay Ice Girls, lovely aren't they? Seriously in Tampa Bay not only can you get in the door for as low as $12.69 you can also have the pleasure of enjoying the Tampa Bay Ice girls.

Is the NHL so pathetic that they need to incorporate "Ice Cheerleaders" into the game? Of course the Canucks Ice girls are different, they are just helpful ice cleaners and if we didn't have them then obviously the players would injure themselves in the corners....and we can't have that now can we?

Can't the NHL sell "the fastest game on earth" with just that "The Fastest game on earth?" I guess some may say that the ice girls are the fastest game on earth........well at least on ice anyways. And what's up with the snake pic? I didn't know Britney Spears was a former Ice Girl.

However I do love how they incorporated the icicles into the picture, it adds that little extra bit of authenticity and pizazz that the NHL is known for.........me thinks it's Classy!

To be honest my problem isn't really with the Ice girls, it's more the fact that people in Tampa Bay can go to the game and watch not only hockey but also watch the wonderful and talented Tampa Bay Ice girls for $12.69! And they still don't go.....Assholes!

Blow Job Sunday

2007-01-26T13:07:00.000-08:00

I have been campaigning the wife for a fun little day that we can both celebrate our love with.....Blow Job Sunday's. Ladies I know what you are all thinking..."Oh my god, Blow Job Sunday's that sounds like the best idea I have ever heard." or "I wish I lived at the Mayor's house."

Funny enough though my wife isn't to keen on the idea of Blow Job Sunday's. So I suggested Anal sex Wednesday's.....needless to say she wasn't impressed. Her favourite response is "Let me stick something in your ass and see how you like it, then we can talk." All lies I am sure.

One thing I have learned in my life is marriage is about compromise so I think we should settle on something like Oral Sex Tuesday's. I know I will hold up my end of the bargain! I will keep you all posted.

PS - feel free to enjoy the calendar I made for you to print off and use in the privacy of your own homes. I think I will put mine up on the fridge.

Grocery Store Blues

2007-01-25T10:11:00.000-08:00

I can't go to the grocery store anymore. First of all what are they doing to the floors lately....spraying them with water and freezing them down at nights? I almost bit it like four times yesterday.

I have never noticed this before because I usually go to the store when I have my running shoes on and it's no problem, but last night I had my work shoes on and I thought I was going to split my head open.

Second, it took me about 45 minutes to pick up some fucking milk and some cheese. Seriously 45 minutes! I swear I run into about 18 people I know at the fucking grocery store, and they all want to chat.

"Oh my god! I haven't seen you in so long...blah blah fucking blah..." yeah news flash, I haven't seen you in ten years because we are not friends fuck face! I am just here to pick up my eggs so leave me alone. The only person I actually want to talk to at the grocery store is Marcus the butcher because he always has some entertaining stories.

I would say that I wanted to talk to the cute checkout girls but there are none, just biter old cows. They don't even have half of the shit I am looking for. Imagine if they had everything I wanted, I would be there for three days.

Plus what's up with the price of bread? The bread I buy costs $4.59 a loaf at the store by my house? $4.59! I know you must be thinking it's made with the finest products from the mountains and hills of Switzerland and it must be wrapped in a gold plated package, but it's not it is just regular buttermilk bread. Actually I found it at another place by my work for $2.99 and was so excited I didn't know what to do. I was seriously considering buying the entire shelf of bread.

Boo hiss to the Grocery store.

MMMMMMMMMMMMM Coke!

2007-01-24T15:19:00.000-08:00

I found this on the web today and thought it was interesting. I am not 100% sure if the info is completely accurate or not but it a lot of it seems to make sense to me.

The original site I found this on was full of smart ass comments like "But, hey, have another Coke, it’ll make you feel better." and " They took the cocaine out almost a hundred years ago. You know why? It was redundant." because only assholes say things like that. What you've never had a Coke pal? Come on! Anyways it was interesting nevertheless.

Drinking a Coke

In The First 10 minutes: 10 teaspoons of sugar hit your system. (100% of your recommended daily intake.) You don’t immediately vomit from the overwhelming sweetness because phosphoric acid cuts the flavor allowing you to keep it down.

20 minutes: Your blood sugar spikes, causing an insulin burst. Your liver responds to this by turning any sugar it can get its hands on into fat. (There’s plenty of that at this particular moment)

40 minutes: Caffeine absorption is complete. Your pupils dilate, your blood pressure rises, as a response your livers dumps more sugar into your bloodstream. The adenosine receptors in your brain are now blocked preventing drowsiness.

45 minutes: Your body ups your dopamine production stimulating the pleasure centers of your brain. This is physically the same way heroin works, by the way.

60 minutes: The phosphoric acid binds calcium, magnesium and zinc in your lower intestine, providing a further boost in metabolism. This is compounded by high doses of sugar and artificial sweeteners also increasing the urinary excretion of calcium.

60 Minutes: The caffeine’s diuretic properties come into play. (It makes you have to pee.) It is now assured that you’ll evacuate the bonded calcium, magnesium and zinc that was headed to your bones as well as sodium, electrolyte and water.

60 minutes: As the rave inside of you dies down you’ll start to have a sugar crash. You may become irritable and/or sluggish. You’ve also now, literally, pissed away all the water that was in the Coke. But not before infusing it with valuable nutrients your body could have used for things like even having the ability to hydrate your system or build strong bones and teeth.

This will all be followed by a caffeine crash in the next few hours. (As little as two if you’re a smoker.)

Oh Paula....

2007-01-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

Seriously Paula Abdul is on Crack! She has to be right? I dare anyone to sit in front of me and say with a straight face that Paula Abdul is not on crack.

To be honest I hope she is on crack i mean really, if you aren't on crack how can you fuck up a job where your sole purpose it to sit there and smile and say "That was really good" or "I think you need to work on your pitch," or "Oh Simon, you're so silly, please please sleep with me."

At this point a Muppet would do a better job then Paula. Or even a monkey, in fact a monkey would be way better.

Think about it for a second, the monkey would jump up and down on their seat when they liked a performance, or slap Simon in the face when he was being rude, or even throw poo at the contestants that suck ass. Hmmmm come to think of it that sounds familiar well all except the poo part. Maybe Paula could complete the monkey cycle and throw her poo on the contestants. That would be awesome! Or at least it would be better then watching her try and not fall off of her chair every five seconds.

At this point I am guessing the producers know that one of the only reasons people are still watching American Idol is to see the enormous Paula Abdul meltdown that will inevitably happen. It's amazing our parents had the moon landing and Oswald getting shot and we will get the famous Paula Abdul meltdown of 2007.

This Blows

2007-01-16T15:22:00.000-08:00

Do you know what blows? When you make a post on blogger and the fucking thing doesn't take. I posted this morning about BC Place and it still hasn't come on. I tried again and it was same thing. I expect sometime tonight or tomorrow that they will probably show up and then I will have to fuck around with deleting them and all.

Sorry for the delays I don't mean to disapoint the citizens of Awesometown.

My posting regularity should be back up to speed soon.

Peace,

The Mayor

Gang Violence

2007-01-11T14:47:00.000-08:00

So I come home from vacation and I hear about a "Gangland Style shootout" which took place at a park on my street.....Nice! Apparently the shooting happened at around 7Pm in the evening, it's a miracle no innocent people were injured.

Over 150 rounds of ammo were fired! 150! Semi automatic assault riffles were used. There are fucking bullet holes in little kids bedrooms for Christs sake! Imagine what would have happened had someone gotten in their way, they would be dead and we would all be talking about how our streets aren't safe.

Well let me tell you something, our streets are safe but there are a few fucking assholes like these guys shooting off semi automatic weapons two doors down from me. That makes for a lovely evening when you want to go for a walk in the park.

It's not enough to say "Boo Hoo there is crime everywhere what are we going to do?" Clearly we have to write our MP's about this shit! I am and you all should too. And don't tell me it's all about education, and don't tell me it's all about enforcement because if you believe that you are part of the problem, not the solution. It's a mix of both of these things that will prove effective in disarming the true bad guys.

Parents and the school system need to shove education about crime, drugs, guns, etc. down their children's throats for 18 years and then if they still go out and shoot guns at people they should be put away for a long long time. They will have no excuse, no way out! Shoot off a gun, go to jail.
Some of the dudes who were doing the shooting are now in the hospital with injuries and honestly I wouldn't be upset if they fucking died, actually I kind of hope they do. That may sound harsh but think about if your 3 year old was playing on the swings and got hit, or your wife was out for a run, or your whatever, Fuck those guys!

In October 2003 one of the suspects was charged with carrying a concealed weapon, possession of a weapon for dangerous purpose and unauthorized possession of a firearm. In June of 2005 he was charged with drug trafficking and possession of a controlled substance for the purpose of trafficking, all charges were either stayed or dismissed. Anyone who doesn't think there is something wrong with that picture is a fucking idiot.

Seriously don't sit around talking about how things are so dangerous because things aren't but there are some major things that need to be addressed by parliament. Write your MP or call or whatever, let them know this isn't OK and something needs to be done.

It's Boxing Week!

2006-12-27T12:49:00.000-08:00

So I went over to the mall yesterday strictly to check out the Boxing Day madness and let me tell you it was madness indeed! There were line-ups with 50 or 60 people at Best Buy and Future Shop, seriously 60 people. Haven't people figured out that the sales are all week long? I mean the sales actually say "Boxing WEEK sale." Unless you are looking to get one of the 6AM Door crashers then what are you waiting in line for? Idiots!

People were in frenzy; a little kid actually elbowed me in the side and then gave me a nasty look. It was crazy! I saw Volume 3 of the James Bond DVD’s on sale and I went back and picked it up today when there was no line. Then I realized that I was the smartest person in the world.

It's not OK!

2006-12-19T11:31:00.000-08:00

If you ever hear me describe anything as OK please do me a favour and punch me in the face. I have decided that from now on I will only deal in extremes. For example I went to a restaurant on the weekend, some may say it was ok, but guess what? It wasn't OK it was shitty. A restaurant should either be good or bad or varying degrees like Awesome or ass, not OK.

It's like people that go away to New York City comeback and say it was OK. It's not OK it's AWESOME you idiot. I have no respect for people who are happy to go along with OK in life. Seriously, I would have far more respect for someone who went to New York and said, "you know what? New York wasn't for me, I didn't like the noise or whatever" then someone who said it was OK.

OK is for assholes!

Hands Off

2006-12-14T12:19:00.000-08:00

"A Toronto judge has ordered a Christmas tree out of a downtown provincial courthouse lobby, saying it's not an appropriate symbol to non-Christians." The move by Justice Marion Cohen has upset staff, some of whom have called the decision stupid and insulting. story here

Stupid and insulting is an understatement. This is out of control. I have never in my life met anyone who is offended and or has a problem with any holiday symbol (i.e. menorah, Christmas tree). I mean really have you ever walked down the street and said to yourself oh my god, I can't believe there is a beautifully decorated tree or a nice lit up menorah....I had better write a letter to a judge somewhere and have this removed. If you have then fuck you seriously! Fuck you.

I guess anyone who isn't a christian i.e. me shouldn't have a Christmas tree up in their house. I guess I should turn the radio off when have a holly jolly Christmas comes on.

You know what? Lets just scrap all holidays. How does that sound? Or wait maybe we should invent new holidays that will incorporate truly offensive and inappropriate symbols into main stream culture. Like for example lets have sex day where we put up statues and artwork of all types of sexually explicit positions, and I am not just talking about your average ho hum night at the Robson's house, I am talking about every kind of sex you can imagine and some you haven't even thought about, like midget amputees getting it on.

Or murder day, where we have symbols of dead bloody peoples bodies all over the place, I am sure little Jane and Johnny would love to see that. Hey maybe that is what it would take to drive it into some peoples fucking heads that a "Christmas Tree" is not an inappropriate symbol and it is by no means offensive.

It's like if you said Merry Christmas to someone and they were offended by that because they don't celebrate Christmas, that person is a fucking asshole. I mean if I was at Safeway and the cashier said Happy Hanukkah to me I wouldn't be offended at all, she is wishing me well. It's better then her saying here are your grocery's now fuck off you idiot.

If you really have a problem with a tree you have bigger mental issues to deal with. I honestly think you should be locked in a room and have your brain researched and examined to see exactly what your fucking problem is.

No one is trying to force anything onto anybody here folks, it's just a fucking tree and it looks nice. Sure it may mean something more to some people then others but in reality it is just something for EVERYONE to enjoy regardless of their race, religion or creed.

Sticking with the Phone Theme

2006-12-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

Another thing that bothers me is the "phone attention whore." You know the ones, you will call up someone to chat and someone will be in the room with that person and all of a sudden one of two things happens. a) Your conversation is abruptly interrupted by the phone whore as they have snatched the phone out of the original receivers hand and are now telling you about some stupid thing that is not important to you. b) You hear in the background "Is that Rob? Tell him blah blah blah, I am so funny and loud, I am sure he would rather talk to me anyways." No actually I don't want to talk to you you fucking assmunch I want to reach through the phone and punch you in the mouth.

Seriously are you a 5 year old? Because that is what little kids do because they are little kids.....you are not.....you wear Big boy or Girl Pants. If you want to say hello wait for a moment in the conversation and then you can politely say "Say hi to Rob for me." and that is all, you are done.

The worst is when you are calling to talk about something really important and you have a very short window of time to get your message across and you have someone yelling like an idiot in the background and you can't get a word in edgewise. I swear whenever that happens to me I just hang up.

Get off your Fucking Cell Phone

2006-12-11T13:43:00.000-08:00

I know most people have cell phones and yes sometimes people call you up when you are busy or say in a public place such as a line up at McDonald's or something, but guess what folks you don't have to answer it.

Really? I don't? but I thought I was super fucking important I had to answer it right now to talk about how super fucking important and so much cooler my life is then the 17 other people around me in this line up that I am in right now.

I guess the mayor isn't as awesome as I think since I either a) don't answer and call back later (there is a thing called voice mail and call display) or b) answer and say, "Sorry Christina, I've got to call you back in Five, I am in a line etc."

Think about it...have you ever heard someone in a public place who was talking on their phone that was actually having an important conversation? And don't tell me you weren't listening to other peoples conversations because you were liar! And don't say yeah I saw a business man in the corner of a restaurant in the back away from everyone where it was quiet and he sounded like he was having an important conversation. Of course he was because he is an intelligent person having a private conversation and trying not to disturb anyone, that's not the person I am talking about.

You all know what I am talking about:

1 - "Oh Jenny did that really??? Oh my god, she is such a ho bag."
Yes you are right tweenie, Jenny is a ho bag! I wish I had her number.

2 - "Dude are you going to the Roxy later? Yeah man it's gonna be Rad! I am totally gonna get laid tonight!"
Are you sure about that fun boy? Cause I don't think you are gonna get laid. I think you are going to get drunk and try and get laid but in reality you are just going to piss every girl you talk to off and probably catch a beating and then get kicked out.

3 - "Oh Dwayne, I went to a really great 'Rock and Roll show last night, it was a blast."
Really? A blast? A Rock and Roll show? Was Elvis there? Are you fucking 70 years old? I mean I knew you were in your late 40's lady but here is a tip......how about shut the fuck up because you are so obnoxious and boring that I am sure even Dwayne is sick of you as much as everyone else in this line up is. And guess what it wasn't a blast because if you and I are in the same town at the same time I was at the great 'rock and roll show' and I didn't see you there fucking dino!

Vancouver's Blind Spot

2006-12-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

If you live in Vancouver and you are a music fan you're screwed! We live in one of the least friendly music cities in North America, perhaps even the world. Seriously lets have a look at this week in New York.

Saturday - Marah with guest Bruce Springsteen
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday - Ryan Adams
Thursday, Friday - Bob Schneider
Friday - Marah Christmas Extravaganza

And that is just the music that I like personally. There is a ton more stuff in town I didn't mention. New York's music scene over the next two weeks is equal to Vancouver's entire 2007. For Serious? For Serious!

Ten years ago we had like 20 clubs you where you could go and see live music (the Starfish Room, Town Pump, 86st Music Hall, Mighty Niagara etc.), today there are five and now they are tearing down Richards on Richards and the Plaza of Nations is next. I understand there are other factors as to why a lot of bands don't get up here like simple geography, but seriously the city isn't making things any easier for musicians.

Now bands that come to town can either play the Commodore or the Red Room. I hear a lot of people saying that Vancouver is getting so much better for nite life and such, and to a point I agree. We do have some great restaurants and I do believe the pubs and clubs are trying to lobby council for more policing and extended hours, but the music moguls in this town need to get there shit together. In 2010 we are gonna have a million people here and the way things are going they will all be in bed by 9:30.

In fact lets think about this, lets see, what does Vancouver have? Obviously we win on weather and overall beauty as far as a city goes. Hmmm what else do we have? Oh yeah 15 billion coffee shops most of which aren't open very late (Sometimes you just want a coffee no matter what time it is), shitty pizza, the CFL (this might be good if they played outside) , and a shitty fucking hockey team. Wow pretty fucking great! What a lively city we have, so boisterous, so alive, so fucking boring it makes me want to puke.

So do you think I am I pissed I missed Bruce and Marah?

PS - Monica if you ever read this that is a great photo! I can't wait for the Christmas shows!

The Disapointing Clubhouse!

2006-12-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

Do you ever order something off the menu at a pub / restaurant and when it arrives you are so pleased with how delicious it is you can't wait to have another? Well that happened to me at Biminis last week, I ordered a clubhouse sandwich and it was Awesome!

Since then I had been dreaming of having another Awesome Biminis club house....and last night it happened. I ordered the clubhouse and I was disappointed. It wasn't that it was bad it just wasn't as good. I wondered if I had simply built up the clubhouse too much in my mind? Or was there something else? Was it relatively the same as the last time or what? One of lifes little questions I guess.

Ice Rink roads!

2006-11-29T16:36:00.000-08:00

Seriously, when the roads are covered in ice and snow and the city has been having trouble keeping up with the salt people should slow the fuck down. I am not saying drive around going 5kms but you don't have to do 100km.

I am sick of these fuckers in SUV's and trucks trying to ram my ass like some Davie st. tranny. Just because your vehicle has all wheel drive doesn't mean mine does ass munch!

I swear if another dude in an SUV looks at me funny for being a little cautious when it's -8 outside I am going to meet him at the next traffic light, grab the giant icicle off his bumper and shove it up his fucking ass!

What the Fuck is going on here exactly?

2006-11-25T17:50:00.000-08:00

Hey new ANONYMOUS, you are beginning to piss the Mayor off big time! I am not quite sure what you are up to or if you think this is all playful banter but I don't like it, and if you want to continue to write argumentative comments here I will delete them.

I do not oppose different views then my own and while I encourage comments and discussion on here that are playful, I don't appreciate the shit that is going on in here today!

As for the original comment of "AS A SOCIETY WE SHOULD ALL TRY TO BE MORE TOLLERANT AND UNDERSTANDING. WE ARE ALL IN IT TOGETHER!!" I am not sure if that was humour or a real comment or whatever but listen up. On my website I am clearly taking the piss about many things I write about.

Do I think that little toddlers should hurry up in crosswalks? Clearly no, do I think slow ass fuckers that are just dicking around in the crosswalk to piss everyone off should hurry up? Yes! Do I really think I should throw eggs at them?

Obviously not!

I am making jokes, that's what I do here.

So everyone chill out and enjoy Awesometown for what it is, a fucked up take on things that go on in MY head. I think I make some pretty funny comments, I hope you all thing so too. Lets all sit back, relax and enjoy the snow!

PS - Happy Bday Champ 2 sorry we couldn't be there tonight.

Hustle up Fuckface

2006-11-24T07:51:00.000-08:00

I am sick and tired of people (primarily younger people) dicking around in the crosswalks and taking 25 minutes to cross the street. Seriously, you're 17 years old not 70, so pick it up before I run you over pimple face. I understand the elderly need more time to cross and that is totally cool, It's the little pukes I am pissed with.

Every moring there is a line of 5 cars turning left that has to wait for these jerkoffs. I need to find something to throw at them, maybe eggs, that would be sweet!

Water Advisory

2006-11-20T12:43:00.000-08:00

Last weeks storm which ultimately led to the water advisory threw a lot of people, including me for a loop. The one day Richmond didn't have water was out of control. I was shocked how dependant on the little things we are and how much we take them for granted.

I went to pick up bottled water at the grocery store and it was a mad house. People were running around frantically. The drink aisle was packed with people lined up trying to buy as much water as possible. Some customers demanded to speak with the manager to find out when more water was coming, and to generally complain that they weren't doing their job by not having enough water for the entire city on call at a moments notice. Clearly it was the managers fault right?

As it turns out I dealt with the water shortage by acting like an infant that had no idea what to do. It took me about 15 minutes to brush my teeth and by the time I got to work I had toothpaste all over my shirt. I was boiling water and mixing it with bottled water. First it was to hot then it was to cold. I eventually gave up and just ended up burning my mouth.

After my toothpaste ordeal all I could think about was the people in New Orleans who had to deal with the flooding and chaos last September. I thought how terrible it must have been waiting around in fear, not knowing when anyone was coming to help, and trying to figure out what you needed to do to just get by and stay alive.

I started to think, what would happen if we had an earthquake? What would happen if we had a flood? Judging by my actions, and the actions of many others I think we might be in trouble.

The Un Personality Test

2006-11-16T11:08:00.000-08:00

I took one of those online web personalty tests the other day. No Martin not the what Superhero are you? test. It was an extremely long and boring test with what appeared to be intelligent type questions. I wanted to stop but I figured I had invested five minutes and it had to be over soon...at least that's what I thought. All in all it took like 15 minutes to finish the thing.

Anyways, you know how most of these web tests say something positive something, negative etc. Basically they like to use broad strokes as to fit in "your" personality and then you can walk around thinking "Man, it was amazing how well the web test knew me. I wonder how they know me so well? The web test people must be fucking geniuses of epic proportions. The world is such a mysterious and fascinating place and we are all such a small part. Web tests are great!"

Well at least that's what I used to think until the personally test I took had absolutely NOTHING positive or impressive to say about me! Unless of course being an self absorbed sex addict with no personality is a good thing.

Here is my snapshot:

The Mayor
trait snapshot:
messy, irritable, depressed, fragile, worrying, emotionally sensitive, does not like to lead, phobic, weird, suspicious, low self control, paranoid, frequently second guesses self, dependent, unproductive, introverted, weak, strange, unassertive, submissive, familiar with the dark side of life, feels invisible, rash, vain, anti-authority, heart over mind, low self concept, disorganized, not good at saving money, avoidant, daydreamer, unadventurous

Avoidant? Is that even a word? What kind of fucking test is this anyways, an I think I should kill myself because clearly I am a useless person test? What the fuck are these guys thinking? Could you imagine if someone who was mentally unstable or moderately suicidal took this? They would be on the nearest bridge within minutes. I guess I wouldn't be though because clearly I'm unadventurous, maybe pills would be my way out of my clearly dreadful existence.

After I received my doomsday test results I was convinced that the test was fixed and made my wife take it. Here is her snapshot:

Richelle
trait snapshot:
social, outgoing, worry free, optimistic, upbeat, tough, likes large parties, makes friends easily, rarely irritated, open, enjoys leadership, trusting, dominant, thrill seeker, strong, does not like to be alone, assertive, mind over heart, confident, controlling, feels desirable, likes the spotlight, loves food, social chameleon, hard working, concerned about others

Apparently my wife is a Saint! Well at least someone is happy, I am off to the pharmacy. ;)

Rest of the results below if you are interested

Advanced Global Personality Test Results The Mayor
Extraversion 50%
Stability 30%
Orderliness 36%
Accommodation 63%
Interdependence 56%
Intellectual 43%
Mystical 63%
Artistic 76%
Religious 16%
Hedonism 63%
Materialism 50%
Narcissism 63%
Adventurousness 70%
Work ethic 50%
Self absorbed 76%
Conflict seeking 83%
Need to dominate 43%
Romantic 56%
Avoidant 16%
Anti-authority 50%
Wealth 36%
Dependency 36%
Change averse 43%
Cautiousness 70%
Individuality 43%
Sexuality 90%
Peter pan complex 70%
Physical security 90%
Physical fitness 50%
Histrionic 56%
Paranoia 70%
Vanity 70%
Hypersensitivity 76%
Female cliche 43%

Lunch Time Indecision, Pamela Anderson & Negative Behavior

2006-11-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

Something that frequently happens in my daily life is my lunch time dilemma. "What's for lunch?" I don't fucking know? Maybe if Richmond had some decent restaurants it wouldn't be such a problem. Basically unless you want Chinese, Japanese or a chain restaurant you're screwed.

I love Chinese and Japanese food, and I do enjoy some chains such as the Cactus Club and the ever so popular McDonald's but we definitely need some fresh choices out this way. Instead I get to come home for lunch and debate if I should have a granola bar or Honey Bunches of Oats. I think the Cereal will win out today.

In other news last week while searching out info re: the Denise Richards incident at the River Rock I stumbled upon Pamela Anderson's website. You have to check out her diary, it looks and reads like it belongs to a nine year old girl. A nine year old girl with extremely large breasts mind you, but nevertheless a nine year old girl.

Check out Pam's latest entry - 11/12/2006

B.C. Lions
Yeah BC Lions. Just went to the game while in Vancouver. I love to come home.

They are going to the Grey Cup!

Pretty fucking insightful Pam, I am just surprised she said Yeah instead of Yay :) :) :) with little smiley faces like that. You would think that if she was going to go with the whole dumb blond thing she would go all out and have little icons that could dot her i's with little hearts and happy faces.

I always thought she was a pretty smart business person, and maybe she is just trying to play up the dumb blond thing, but I don't know......shes almost 40 now I would have thought she would be done with that.

This morning at 8:30am two of my co-workers started bickering with each other. It was no less then 30 seconds since I had been in the office and there was a commotion. I had to tell them it was to fucking early for this shit and to shut up. It wasn't even the one guys fault, just some whining and moaning from one of our coworkers. She seeps negativity where ever she goes. It's a really nice way to start off your day after a long weekend. Sorry guys just had to get that off my chest!

Sorry folks and Britney

2006-11-09T22:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts this week, the Mayor has been busy with Union meetings and 2007 proposals. I would like to talk briefly about my girl Britney! All I can say is thank god and now I finally have a shot.

Seriously, I know you are all laughing but think about it. If she married that bum surely she would be into the Mayor, I figure I am like 9000 steps up from that dude. Plus Britney is better then ever now that she has had kidlings....if you know what I mean. (One word, starts with an F has an ist and ends with a ing) Man my wife is going to be upset about that comment....can you tell I have had some wine tonight? For the record, I am just being silly (Friday Damage control).

I have been keeping a list of things to write about so next week should be a good one in Awesometown. Talk Soon.

Bobby Mongoose

PS - Just finished watching MI3 and it was very entertaining!

Football Pool Follies

2006-11-06T11:06:00.000-08:00

Every week I make my football picks with delusions of grandeur yet there is a nagging voice in the back of my mind that lets me know clearly I am an idiot and clearly I will never win.

This has been mainly true for the majority of my football picking life, that is until this year. This year at the halfway point I am middle of the pack but the difference is I am still within reach of first (3 games back).

With that said something happened this week and it's got me revved up. What could it be you may ask? It's "The Reapers" aka some dude in the pool that picked the San Francisco 49ers to beat the Minnesota Vikings and won!

Some of you reading this may not understand exactly what that means.......well let me put it in perspective for you. Basically picking the 49ers to beat Minnesota is like picking little Jimmy's little league team to beat the New York Yankees, or like picking a monkey to beat lion a bear and a crocodile in a no holds bar cage match.

As you may have guessed going into tonight's game the Mayor of Awesometown is tied for wins with the Reapers and it will all come down to points for who wins the week. Of course I fucked up and picked 52 points and will definitely lose the week.

Jenna what are you doing?

2006-11-01T12:56:00.000-08:00

First off any guy that says he doesn't watch porn is a liar, I am glad we got that out of the way. (I guess there are a few exceptions like if your name is Martin and reruns of the amazing spiderman cartoon get you off.)

Anyways, I downloaded the last two Club Jenna productions "Sophia Syndrome" & "Krystal Provocateur" and after the old windows media player 15 second flip through I deleted both of them. Nothing about these were remotely interesting and or exciting.

I can't believe you have the hottest porn stars in both of these movies and they were both garbage. Seriously, how stoned do you have to be to fuck up the production of a porn movie...apparently the answer is Jenna Jameson stoned.

When did Jenna decide that in her movies instead of having the usual ridiculous plots and dialogue she would replace this tried tested and true formula with zero dialogue, trance music and strobe lights.

Watching ten seconds of a Club Jenna producion will give you a seizure with the amount of flickering that is going on. It's Fucking, not Flickering that people want to see Jenna, Fucking!

2006-10-30T17:54:00.000-08:00

Album Cover Galore!!

This is pretty Awesome! Thanks Bhreandáin for the tip.

The Anti Mayor of Awesometown

2006-10-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

My Co-workers have started an anti mayor of Awesometown site. I am pretty sure this is in retaliation to me kicking Martin's ass in Stiga Hockey on a regular basis. After one game Martin was so upset he came in the next morning with a new board. That's right it's the "Game's" fault Martin, yeah that's it.

Anyways, I am glad my co-workers have actually got a sense of humour and are working on their writing, that helps when you work at a newspaper. They still haven't quite captured the Mayor's wit and style but it will be a nice journey watching them grow.

Enjoy the Anti Mayor of Awesometown

Feast One Hundred & Seventeen

2006-10-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

Appetizer
Create a new candle scent.
Not really my department. Maybe I would make a candle with the scent of Awesome!

Soup
Name one way you show affection to others.
I call them animal names, like I call my wife Bear and Monkey

Salad
What is your favorite writing instrument?
Keyboard, I Hate to handwrite

Main Course
If you were given $25 to spend anywhere online, from which site would you buy?
I would buy my wife something sexy from wicked temptations

Dessert
Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going to be?
Not this year folks.

Oh Christina I love you

2006-10-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

The Other day my good friend RickyB made the comment that he wasn't sure if X tina was hot or not. I told him I once felt the same way and wasn't sure if X tina was worthy of the "Hot" tag. However I had since decided that not only is she is indeed worthy she in fact had made the Mayor's official "top ten hot list."

This conversation peaked my interest. I find it fascinating that there are some women(I am speaking primarily about celebs here) that people have trouble deciding whether or not they are "hot"or not. I do it all the time. My question is are they mostly the same people.

Like Uma Thurman, I have trouble with her, sometimes she looks great sometimes she looks terrible. I am wondering if I am alone in my thoughts there?
Please feel free to comment on celebs you aren't sure about, I am very curious to find out your thoughts.

Also ladies is it the same for men? I am wondering if it is a gender thing?

As an added bonus I have added a link to sexy x tina for your viewing plesure :) and also included my top list of hideous celebs. Feel free to add to it.

Gross Chicks

Tara Reid

Cameron Diaz

Kirsten Dunst

Ashley Simpson

Misha Barton

Kelly Osborne

Nicole Richie

Olson Twins

What is Going on at the Grocery Store?

2006-10-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

I am convinced that everyone in the grocery store is an idiot. Seriously, what is going on in there? The customers are either loafing around like fucking sloths or they are on a mission to get out as fast as they can and then they are smashing into things and people as they run around the store like lunatics.

Of course they are also the people that get to the cash register and then realize that they have forgotten to pick up the milk. At this point we all know what happens: a) they go flying past you on a mission for the milk before the cashier finishes scanning their items, or b) Scream at their kids.

Crazy Parent - "Oh my God, I forgot the Milk, Johnny go and get milk HURRY!!!'

Little Johnny - "Ummm huh? What? Milk, where is it?"

Crazy Parent - "IT'S IN THE GODDAMN MILK SECTION, HURRY UP!!"

Little Johnny - "Ok Ok, chill out, I'll get it."

Two minutes goes by and Johnny shows up with no milk and asks "What kind of milk did you want, skim or 2%?"

Fuck Me!

Of course the cashier is NEVER finished scanning anyways since there is only one good cashier at every store and they aren't working today. You are in the line with one of the other four "Older" cashiers that work there, who are determined to make everyone wait as long as possible in the line up.

I am also convinced that it is store policy to put the slowest cashiers on the express lines.

Store Manager Jim - "Jane is pretty incompetent and we can't get rid of her so lets put her on the express line!"

Assistant Store Manager Seth - "Sounds great Jim! By any chance did you use to work at a bank?"

And what is with these people with their club cards on their key chains? Seriously if you are going to do that maybe your keys shouldn't weigh 20lbs and be able to break the fucking glass scanners. Why do you need all those keys anyways? One for the house, one for the car, one for the fucking mental institution you belong in?

Feast #116

2006-10-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

APPETIZER
What is your favorite beverage?
I would say I have many favourites. Milk, Coke, Tequila, non blended margaritas, Jameson Whiskey.

SOUP
Name 3 things that are on your computer desk at home or work.
Blank CD and DVD's, A picture of Bruce Springsteen that I took, and a pile of messy papers.

SALAD
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how honest do you think you are?
Nine.

MAIN COURSE
If you could change the name of one city in the world, what would you rename it and why?
I would change the name of the city that I am currently in at that particular moment to AWESOMETOWN.

DESSERT
What stresses you out? What calms you down?
I don't really get stressed out but I think that is because I throw little fits on a regular basis. Usually I am throwing fits because some one other then myself is being an idiot, so I guess stupid people stress me out. Throwing fits and Cooking calm me down.

"You'll See when you have kids!"

2006-10-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

You know when you are at a restaurant or at Disneyland or something and there is a little kid throwing a big tantrum and the parents are saying "If you don't stop it we are leaving," and then the kid keeps fucking screaming and of course they don't leave? I fucking hate that! It is the worst thing ever, basically you are lying to your child.

Here is the thing, I have always said when I have kids I will say "If you don't stop screaming we are leaving," and then guess what? If they don't stop we are going to fucking Leave. Plain and simple, I don't care if we are at Disneyland and I have to go back to the Hotel room and deal with my screaming five year old for a few hours. I think kids are pretty smart and I have a funny feeling after a few times of leaving places my kid will realize when I say "stop it" they probably should.

In addition I am getting pretty sick and tired of people telling me (most of whom don't have kids), "Oh you say that now, but you will see when you have kids," and then pointing and laughing at me like I am an idiot. What will I see exactly? My kid listening to me? Because that is what is going to happen. I am saying it now and I will say it later, so shut the fuck up! If in the future I am wrong I will then apologize but I don't think I will be.

Honestly the majority, actually all of the parents I know seem to be doing a really good job raising their kids, and I don't know any kids that are a nightmare and throwing fits all the time. EDW and Nick talk to their kidling like she is a real person and don't gobbley goo it up, in turn Emily is a very smart little one and fun to be around. Plus they don't lie to her (That is my department, I like to tell Emily that I have a tail). Brad and Sol are the same and Hanna is never a problem and also fun to be around. Martin's kids are the most curious little ones you will ever meet, plus they say thinks that make me laugh like "tartar Sauce." instead of swearing.

Seems one of the keys to successful parenting is to avoid lying and goobley goo when you are talking to your toddler, Imagine that!

School Zone = Stupid Parents

2006-10-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

I was driving past my old High School yesterday just around the time school was getting out and honestly it was a fucking traffic mess. Parents were parked down the side streets in droves waiting to pick up their kids.

I am not talking about an elementary school here I am talking about a High School. Seriously this kids are 13 - 18 and their parents need to pick them up? Really? When I went to High School if my mom would have come to pick me up I would have died of embarrassment and then probably got my ass kicked the next day for being a fucking loser that needs my Mommy to come and pick me up.

You will notice on the school zone sign it's got people walking, not driving. Maybe they need to update the sign. Maybe we need a "don't even think about driving down this street between 2:45PM and 3:30Pm because 1000 stupid idiot parents are picking up their loser kids because they think suburban streets are unsafe and decided it would be better to fuck up traffic around every school in the lower mainland" sign. I wonder what that sign would look like.

I was talking with some of my co-workers about this the other day and some of them said that they drive their kid(s) to High School because it's far away (15KMs) and that is understandable, but if you are within two or three miles like I was when I went to High School you walked. No one i know in High School got picked up, No one!

Even when I was in elementary school I walked or rode my bike(mind you it wasn't very far from my house, but nevertheless). I can't really even remember the last time I saw a little kid on a bike during the school year. Are bikes not cool anymore? Maybe I am out of the what's cool with 9 year old kids these days.

Friday's Feast #115

2006-10-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

Appetizer

Approximately how many hours per week do you spend reading other blogs?

I would say about one hour a week, maybe less.

Soup

Your community wants everyone to give one thing to put into a time capsule. What item would you choose to include?

My full 60gb ipod

Salad

What is the most interesting tourist attraction you've ever visited?

There was this wall in London, it was over 3000 years old and has something to do with the Romans. There was no fanfare and we just stumbled upon it so that was cool. The many bars in NYC are also very interesting, and Awesome. I guess none of these are typical tourist attractions but whatever. Maybe the CN Tower for typical, that glass floor is super scary.

Main Course
If you could give an award to anyone for anything, who would it be and what would the award be titled?

To my wife for putting up with my frequent fits.

Dessert
What do you think your favorite color reveals about your personality?

I like Orange and Blue. That either means I love Fall or the New York Mets jerseys.

Parking Problem

2006-10-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

So I get home today and my wife tells me about a little note that was left on her car in our apartment parking spot this morning.

The note reads: Could you please park more “centred” in your spot please. There is barely enough room left between car doors + is a simple courtesy.

Thx

What the fuck? The note was just like that, with big words and quotes, and an actual thx. Who writes that? Thx? What an ass.

To understand this better our former parking neighbour drove a brand new Nissan Pathfinder, in other words a "Huge SVU" and we never ever had any issues with him. Now all of a sudden some fucking bitch that drives a Jetta has a problem with the way we park? How about fuck you stupid bitch! The spots are literally big enough for a car with a foot either side, it's not like my wifes Civic is fucking huge or anything. What do you need more space for your fucking cane you old bag?(She doesn't really have a cane) Give me a break.

My wife wrote this on the back of the note and put it back on her car. We will see what happens I guess.

No Problem!
This note didn’t have to be so bitchy. Sometimes it is difficult for me to park “centred" based on how your car is parked.

Thx, I’ll do my best.

2006-10-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

Chad Vader: Episode 4 (official version)

I hope this one is good. #3 was my least favourite so far.

The Look!

2006-10-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

One thing that I think is universal in infuriating people is “the look.” You know the one….you’re driving along and some Jackass cuts you off. At this point you do your best to zoom up beside him/her and give them either a) the finger b) the fist or, probably the most common c) the finger the fist the look and a Fuck you asshole out the window.

The funny thing is when you do something wrong like I did today when I turned the wrong way down a one-way street you in turn receive the look. My favourite thing to do when I receive the look is to shrug indifferently and throw my arms in the air like I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s quite fun believe me, the other driver usually goes fucking mental. You should see the looks they give you after that. I have actually had people look like they were going to cry because they didn’t know what was happening, it was like I broke their brain, I mean clearly I am in the wrong so how could I be giving them an indifferent shrug? Try it folks it is delightful!

2006-10-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

Chad Vader: Episode 3

Enjoy.

Happy Anniversary!

2006-10-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

October 9, 2004

I got married to my sexy wife 2 years ago today! I love you very much Munkin. Happy Anniversary.

Love Mongoose

Birthday Fun

2006-10-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all. Birthday fun pics are up here Richelle's Awesome Snaps! Thanks everyone for coming!

The Mayor of Awesometown

Friday's Feast #114

2006-10-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Appetizer - Name a song you know by heart.
The Closer - Marah
Soup - What will you absolutely not do in front of another person?
Sing
Salad - How often do you use mouthwash and what kind do you like?
Listerine and once a day. I don't really like it though. I do like the orange kind but the wife can't stand it.
Main Course Finish this sentence: I am embarrassed when...
hmmmm I have to think about that....I don't easily get embarrassed. Check back in the morning maybe I will know then.
Dessert - What was the last food you craved?
Pizza. I could eat pizza everyday!

Paris Hilton is my Hero!

2006-10-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

I Forgot to post about this earlier (Paris vs Shanna fight). I don't know if you all know who Shanna Moakler is but if not let me fill you in. Basically she is Travis Barker's (Blink 182's Drummer) ex wife. They had that show Meet the Barkers. Anyways, if you ever saw the show you would know that Shanna is one of the most useless people on the planet.....Yes even more so then Paris.

I understand that TV studios set up staged events for reality shows and everything but honestly if you are coming across like a stupid bimbo who doesn't take care of her kids and all you do is lay around in bed all day whining about having to get up before 2:00PM, TV show propaganda or not, you truly are a fucking asshole.

Dare i say if the Paris Hilton Shanna Moakler fight did actually take place I would hope that Paris kicked her ass! Go Paris go!

Heroes

2006-10-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

I have been watching NBC's new show Heroes and it is Awesome! Richelle was totally not into it and calling me a nerd and a loser for watching a Science Fiction show but she finally admitted to liking it after the second episode on Monday.

Heroes got it right with the perfect mix of intriguing story lines, cool set designs, sexy girls and for the ladies some dude that used to be on Felicity. Richelle was pretty excited when he came on the screen. "Oh look he used to be on Felicity, he played so and so, he was always doing this and that." That is super honey.....just super! What is it with women and Felicity anyways? You can add Friends and Will and Grace to that list too.

It's amazing how excited people get when they see someone that they like from another show, I shouldn't really pick on my wife cause I do it too, and probably way more then she does. Anyways, check out Heroes, it is officially endorsed by the Mayor.

Seriously Subway?

2006-10-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

Seriously can somebody tell me why subway is paying people to make TV commercials for them? I know toddlers that are more creative.

Subway has to have one of the worst track records for commercials in the history of TV. Jarred? Jon Lovitz? "Eat Frrresh" Are you kidding? I think they would be better off with Alf or Gary Coleman! I honestly can't remember one Subway commercial that was remotely funny, entertaining, or even watchable.

I have actually heard people say that they are boycotting Subway because of their commercials. Personally I boycott them because of their shitty food but I can totally understand where those people are coming from.

Rogers wireless has been doing their best to challenge Subway, rapidly climbing the terrible commercial charts. I don't know anyone that doesn't want to punch those fucking hipster assholes square in their face and then bang their girlfriends in front of them while they cry and you make them listen to "99 songs on their new Rogers phone." Why don't you make a commercial about that fuckos?

Best Birthday Gift Ever!

2006-10-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

Check out my Awesome Shirt My sexy wife got for me!

Friday's Feast #113

2006-09-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

Friday, September 29, 2006

Appetizer What is your favorite herb or spice?
Garlic! (Thanks EDW I wouldn't have thought of that)
Soup
Name a song you like but haven't heard in a long time.
She Will Have Her Way - Neil Finn I think I will listen to it now.
Salad
If you were to take just one minute to write down as many things as you can think of that you need (not want) to do, approximately how many things would there be?
Oh Man, that's too tough for this late. I guess five
Main Course Tell something interesting about one of your family members (nothing scandalous, please, just something unique).
My Cousin is a pseudo vegetarian, how charming eh? Pseudo vegetarian = someone who won't eat chicken or beef or any type of meat unless it's 2:30am and they have just left the bar and their husband orders a Chicken Gyro and they beg him for a bite. At this point the Pseudo vegetarian will then engage in a long drawn out unintelligible conversation about animal rights practises with the Mayor during the walk home. The conversation will contain many priceless quotes such as:

Mayor of Awesometown - "That is unrealistic, I understand it is horrible the way some of these animals are treated however; you have to find a balance otherwise milk will cost $10 a liter."
Pseudo vegetarian - "Well maybe Milk should cost $10 a liter."
You get the picture.

Dessert What's the latest you've ever stayed awake?
When I was in High school i used to stay up for two days and nights a lot. There was no particular reason, I just stayed up.

Drivers Bad

2006-09-28T17:08:00.000-07:00

I was driving back from Abbotsford today on the Trans Canada Highway and I saw this dude in a mini van who was literally following behind a semi about one foot.

In 12 years I have never been in a car accident, but I pay $1600 a year to ICBC (that's with a 43% discount fyi) and it's all because of people like Fuckface who follow behind semi trailers going 100 kms and leaving less then a foot of space and then crash. I don't know about you but that seems pretty fair to me.

Seriously I understand "Accidents" happen and that sucks, but I can guarantee you the majority of them are cause by some idiot like mini van dude. Could you imagine if that truck just tapped his brakes? Not only would that guy be decapitated he most definitely would have caused more crashes and fucked up traffic for hours. Then ICBC would raise every ones insurance rates, Nice! Thanks fuckface, thanks a lot.

McDonald's

2006-09-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

Do you ever go to McDonald's or another fast-food place and there are a bunch of 15 year old kids working behind the counter and it takes forever to get your food? It happens to me all the time.

I have two schools of thought about this. My primary thought is “They are just stupid kids and working at McDonald's must suck so I should give them a break,” and my secondary thought is “Hurry the fuck up you incompetent idiot and get me my fucking French Fries!”

Thing is I am getting less and less patient with these line ups, and I don’t care who is behind the counter anymore. When I was 15 and working in an upholstery shop if I was too slow no one gave me a break, so why should I give them a break?

It was Awesome if it was really busy and the manager had to start serving. Usually you could be assured of excellent service, but lately I am finding this is not the case. Plus what is up with the shit some of the kids pull when you ask for some BBQ sauce or extra tarter sauce?

Some fucking keener kid says “Ummm that will be eleven cents extra.” How about fuck you, you fucking keener! Just give me my BBQ sauce and shut up, Andy the day shift manager isn’t going to care if you didn’t charge me eleven cents for BBQ sauce.

Canadians & Americans

2006-09-25T13:36:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about the Canadian society vs American society thing a lot lately. I wanted to share some observations I have made in my 28 years on the planet. These observations are purely factual and can not be disputed.

1 - Canadians do say "Eh?" I myself say this on a regular basis and to be honest I don't really notice that I am saying it. There is however a very big misconception that ALL Canadians say "Eh?" This is not true! There is also a degree of "Eh's" amongst the Canadian community. Some people (Like myself) say "Eh" but not to the degree of someone from say Newfoundland or PEI.

2 - Americans say "You know?" You may think I am crazy but it's true. A normal everyday conversation with most Americans that I know will have at least two or three "You knows" thrown in. You might say it's their "Eh."

3 - Americans are Bumper sticker crazy. Don't believe me you say? Just take a drive down to Bellingham and have a look on the I5, it's bumper sticker madness down there. I asked my New Jersey friends about this and they told me Americans are bumper sticker crazy because Americans have a lot to say, I thought that was funny.

I have found that sometimes the bumper stickers are your standard "My kid is a honor student" type, but the majority are those hmmmm how should i put this......Crazy fucking lunatic types, you know the ones that say, "Guns, God and Nascar" or "Kill the Killers, Choose Life." That's not to say we don't have these in Canada, it's just I haven't seen many...then again, I don't get out to Abbotsford very often.

4 - Americans are AWESOME drivers. Every American I know is an incredible driver. They just get in their car and go. Boom, there gone, and if someone gets in their way you will hear honking like never before. I fucking love this concept! Image getting in your car and actually getting somewhere in a reasonable amount of time, pretty novel concept I know. Canadians tend to be a little more timid on the streets. I say Boo earns to Canadians and their driving skills.

(Wait a sec, I think I spoke to soon about point number four. I think the driving maybe an East Coast - West Coast debate, and not a Canadian - American thing. Whenever I go to Toronto those guys drive like Mad too.)

5 - Canadians say "Pop" when referring to a Cola type beverage. Americans say "Soda." Whenever I am in America and I ask for a "Pop" everyone giggles and points at me, but the joke is on them as I will now point out. I say that "pop" is better as it infers something quite mysterious, plus it can lead to sexy results.

Sexy American Girl behind the counter (think Jessica Simpson in the Dukes of Hazard) - "Can I help you?" In a sexy southern Accent
Mayor of Awesometown - "Yes can I have some Hot cross buns and a Pop?"
Sexy American Girl behind the counter - "MMMMMM you sure can" slowly undresses and forces herself on the mayor.

As you can see from my example clearly pop is better. Feel free to share your favourite differences. Remember they have to be your actual observations, and I don't want anyone getting into "Bush blah blah blah" politics or any of that shit.

2006-09-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager (episode 2)

Second In the series. Enjoy!

Friday's Feast #112

2006-09-21T23:04:00.000-07:00

Friday, September 22, 2006
Appetizer
Measured in minutes or hours, how much exercise have you had in the last week?
two minutes walking up the stairs to my floor in my apartment building, I am actually surprised my legs weren't sore for days afterwards.

Soup
If you had to change your blog title to something else, what would it be?
Bobby Mongoose and the Mexican Donkey says....

Salad
Name one television show you watched when you were 9-12 years old.
Loved Dukes of Hazard. I remember when they started showing reruns a few years ago, i got really excited and after five minutes of watching it again I realized how terrible it really was.

Main Course
If someone gave you $50 to spend with the one condition that it had to be educational, what would you purchase?
I would buy Born to Run, Darkness on the Edge of Town, Tunnel of Love, If you didn't laugh you'd cry and Kids in Philly and give them to someone who wasn't into music. Ether they would learn that they had been missing out on something great, or I would learn that they are an idiot when they told me they didn't like the Cd's ;)

Dessert
Do you tend to prefer dark colors, neutral shades, or lighter/pastel hues?
Dark.

Chad Vader episode 1

2006-09-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

chad vader ep 1

This should work now! Darth Vader's brother is working at a grocery store as a day shift manager.

"Clint is a fool, and I will not tolerate his insolence much longer!"

Pneumonia

2006-09-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

"I am getting pneumonia." Who are the people that say stupid shit like this? I will tell you who, one of my co-workers. I mean come on, we can see that you are sick, with your running nose and your sneezing every 15 minutes, but guess what? It's a cold, not pneumonia.

Seriously this is a major problem with society as far as the Mayor is concerned. Be it comments about pneumonia or that semi friend we all have that insists on telling you about their new career move. "I think I am going to become a Doctor" or "I am going to move to Paris to take care of orphans." Really? Because I actually think you have a grade twelve education and last week you wanted to be a Real Estate agent, plus you have never left the city you fucking live in!

I don't understand the need that these type of people have. Why do they feel that they have to be validated by some fucking idiot like me when they make shit up. What are they looking to hear?

Sick Co-Worker Idiot - "I am getting pneumonia, I am so sick right now."

Anyone willing to Listen - "Oh really, that is terrible, you should really be at home taking care of yourself, you are such a great person coming to work and spreading your sickness all throughout the office for everyone to enjoy. More people should be just like you."

How about this for an idea, put the fucking phone down and stop trying to get people to feel sorry for you by telling them that you are "Getting pneumonia" and go fucking home. No one wants your sick gross snot all over the fax machine and computer.

It's going to be great when I am at home sick in bed next week because of my fucking idiot co-worker.

The Mayor of Awesometown

PS - I wouldn't recommend typing the word sick into Google images and going in about 4 pages. I can guarantee you will see things you never wanted to see. I am serious. Don't do it! I guess I can thank my idiot co-worker for that too.

Seahawks, Axe wounds, Taco Bell and Rap Snacks

2006-09-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

On Sunday we made the drive down to Seattle for the Seahawks game. As the title of this post indicates the top convos involved either the Seahawks, Axe wounds, Taco Bell and Rap Snacks. Yes you read that right, Rap Snacks!

If you notice on the packaging there is always something about "Staying in School" or "Knowledge is power." On the back of the package there was "Look for Rock Snacks." Rock Snacks? What a fascinating and hilarious product I thought. I could only imagine what Rock Snacks would look like. KISS Crunchers, with "Don't do Drugs" was my guess.

After some intense and rigorous research (Google Y'all) the Mayor has discovered that while being wrong about KISS i was correct about the "Don't do Drugs" tag. So how did i guess that? I mean how did I know that the Rock Snacks would say "Don't do Drugs"?

Clearly a marketing a research team got together and picked out a target market, looked over demographics, income, sex, race, age, etc. and came up with these slogans.

In all seriousness is there a message here? Is the chip company saying that people that eat Rap Snacks would be more inclined to not stay in school and people that eat Rock Snacks would be more likely to do drugs? I think the answer is yes.

With that said who is eating Rap Snacks? I know we were, and we are all white males (& one female) 28 - 30 with fairly descent salaries. Does that mean that we are less likely to stay in school, cause I think we are more likely to do drugs. So who is eating Rock Snacks? Burnouts? and are they more likely to drop out of school? I am confused. Damn you Rap Snacks damn you!

The Mayor of Awesometown

Feast One Hundred & Eleven

2006-09-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

Appetizer
What was the very last song you listened to?
Little Hands - Matt the Electrician.

Soup
What is one company/store/corporation you would recommend that people stay away from?
Home Depot - Don't do Home Depot - See my July Archives for more details on that one!

Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy having your picture made?
Sometimes 1 sometimes 10 depends on the day and the amount of alcohol I have consumed

Main Course
Besides a bookmark, what is something you've used to keep your place in a book?
The only time I read books is when I travel on airplanes, so I usually use my boarding pass stub.
Dessert
Name a food that you like that most people don't.
Hmmmmm, I like mustard on Tuna fish sandwiches.

Shave Everywhere......

2006-09-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

I Saw this ad in the bathroom wall in Manitoba's in NYC. It was an ad of two kiwi fruits and they looked like balls. One was shaved and one wasn't. Since I love my balls I thought I would check out the website and pass it on to the peeps of Awesometown as it is quite fun and entertaining. check it out here Shave Everywhere. Nefarious do your worst!

CTV News is Sliding

2006-09-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

What is going on with CTV news lately? Ever since they started referring to Chopper Nine as a newscaster and not a helicopter and sexy Keri Adams changed her hair style I have been upset with that station.

Last night was a bit of a strange one for CTV news. I want to make it clear that I understand and feel genuinely bad for people that have Cancer or that are deaf and have misfortune in their lives such as the semi deaf girl who was on last night and had her cell phone stolen. I appreciate that CTV news is trying to do a good thing by featuring this "news" story and everything, but once and a while, not all the time. In last nights case there were three of these types of stories in the first 15 minutes of the broadcast, three, back to back, it seems excessive if you ask me. Plus that is one thing community newspapers are really good for.

Each story got less and less relevant too. The first one was about the deaf girl, the second was some guy that had his car broken into, and the third I can't even tell you what is was about because I saw where it was going and turned the channel.

Seriously, I had a pack of gum stolen of my desk at work the other day I guess I should call CTV news. I am sure that's a fucking ground breaking story as far as they are concerned.

The Mayor feels that Local and National news should report on Local and National news, novel concept I know. It would be interesting to see some stories where they do some actual investigative reporting where perhaps they can hold some politicians feet to the fire, or go after ICBC or something. Better yet they can expose the person who gave formerly sexy Keri Adams that horrible haircut.

No No No that would be too much work I am sure, instead they want to show people traffic jams with Chopper Nine, and run stories about Pepi the poodle.

The Mayor of Awesometown

The Vag!

2006-09-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

The other day my wife and our New Jersey friends were having a conversation that would best suit the upper crust of our fine society. The conversation topic you ask? Vagina's! More specifically the grossest terms you can think of to describe a vagina.

Now there are your usual standards or classics if you will, Cunt, Snatch,Slit, and my personal favourite Vag or the Vag (Thanks Jer) but there were also some new and truly disturbing terms being thrown around. None worse in my opinion then the one my wife came up with "Axe Wound." Can you believe that? That is fucking gross, I can't believe this came out of her mouth.

Come to think of it my wife has a few sayings that I am super disgusted with. Here is one you may here flying out of her mouth on occasion. "That guy looks like a bag of smashed assholes" or "Yeah, she shit the bed." Fuck I feel sick now. Please feel free to post your own terms below.

The Mayor of Awesometown